I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
