we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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