Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
