Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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