The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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