Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I believe in your delicious
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
