we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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