I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I had to cum in my sink.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
