Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
