TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize