Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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