Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wish my penis had a tongue
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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