I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
