where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
