Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That accounts for only three of the penises
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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