I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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