this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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