I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
