I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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