he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
