You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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