i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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