She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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