Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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