She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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