Whatcha textin bout Willis?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
