My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
