I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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