I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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