I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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