chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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