Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
