i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
These tits shall not be calmed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
