I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
