there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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