Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
