Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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