They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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