Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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