am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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