Apparently you make a good broom.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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