He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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