I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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