You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
