On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
