Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
