Im at strip club and am horny
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
