When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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