If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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