Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
