Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
