I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
