You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
