i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
home. puking in laundry basket.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
