if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
