like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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