i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
