this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
