There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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