hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
