i don't like sucking hair
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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