if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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