singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
