Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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