I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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