He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
